Mom, why is this world too big for me?
Are my dreams just too small?
or my hopes just too high?
Mom, why is the world too big for me?
I’m confused, Mom.
Isn’t it that dreams are suppose to make human better?
But tell me why I’ve seen people being destroyed by their very own dreams?
I’m hurt, Mom.
With the kind love I loved and gave freely.
Because I trusted it’ll be a love like yours.
I’m afraid, Mom.
That I’ve ran out of bravery.
Coz I haven’t carefully chosen the battle I’m supposed to fight.
I’m sad, Mom.
I can’t hide the sadness.
When all you ever ask is my happiness.
Im lost, Mom.
Lost somewhere between my dreams and reality.
Pray, tell me, is the world just too big for me?
I miss the times when I used to dream big. Especially during high school days.
I used to dream of the possible huge career in the future.
Of having a family of my own.
Of having faith that never doubts.
At that time, when I dream, I never considered the unknown & the unforseen.
Only the good things that comes with it.
But when I grow old, I doubt a lot.
Is it because I’ve seen too much suffering?
Is it because I’ve suffered from broken promises?
Or is because faith had too much faith on me, it tested me beyond my perceived limitations?
I’d like to dream again like that.
Like I’ve never been hurt.
Like I’ve never failed.
Like I’ve never experienced the ugly truth.
no, we didnt meet today. perhaps the universe is too busy making our lovestory or the materials arent ready yet. or maybe the scriptwriter is on sick leave, the director has a short fuse today, whatever.. but im not at all in a hurry, love. because i know, that the moment we met, it’ll be for eternity.
i know how excited and anxious you are. i am too. you cant wait to hold my hand and whisper loving words in my ear. you cant avoid touching my hair and smiling seeing me smiling back at you. you perfected the wonderful breakfast, you learned was my favorite. the flowers bloomed, ready to greet me when i wake up but i’m still sound asleep. you decided to learn how to play a guitar pretty well because you knew i’d like to be serenaded.
sorry to keep you waiting love, but this isnt our time yet. meanwhile, i’d learn from my friends how to take care of a baby because i know you’d want some. i’d like to learn a few dance steps because i knew you will ask for it. i cant wait going to monumental places with you, sharing jokes, riddles or poetry. i forgot to ask your favorite movies but there’s plenty of time to watch it with you. i dont want you to get sick but just incase, i’ll always be there. promise me we’ll walk under the stars and moon, we’ll laugh until our eyes will burst tears from too much laughing, we’ll encourage each other, learn and grow from each other’s mistake, write a love letter often, learn something new everyday, paint a sunset, listen to waves’ song, photograph the horizon, enjoy the good food and look into each other’s eyes…
for now, i’m gonna sleep, love — smiling. because i know, someday, sometime we’ll meet. i know.